At The Very Least It Is Inconvenient

Just when I think I’ve figured it out it throws me for a loop.  One thing I can say about T1D is that it is unpredictable.  I think I’m prepared, ready to face all of its challenges and BAM it comes with another surprise.  With this condition the unanticipated should now be expected.

Let’s take today for instance. A and I were all set for a fun afternoon with friends at the local nature preserve.  We were going to explore the nature center and then go for a short hike and do some nature journaling.  It was the perfect Sunday for it.  When we left the house her blood sugar was at a respectable level. I had snacks ready and placed them in a safe spot in the center and some in the car.  We begin our hike.  It’s a beautiful day, partly sunny and 75 degrees.  All of the children have their nature journals and clipboards in tow.  We are ready!  Our tour guide is this nature enthusiast who carefully points out each type of leaf and tree, while identifying species that live in the preserve.

Out of nowhere here it comes.  You know what I’m talking about.  The beeping.  It beeps on her meter and her iPod letting us know her blood sugar is dipping.  Here comes a low.  I thought I was prepared but the snacks were in the car and in the center, not with us.  Y’all, this is a rookie mistake.  Our lifeline is snacks (and insulin of course) and we should have them handy at all times, but today I left them behind.  A looks at me, waiting for me to pull out an applesauce or juice.  I give her a panicked look that is somehow apologetic and I begin to run down the hill.  Now this poor sweet brown child of mine has a crazy mother frantically running down the hill to find snacks.  I’m embarrassed for her.

I’m not a fit person, not yet at least.  So as I’m sprinting down this hill breathing hard, sweating I’m kicking myself.  “Why did I leave the snacks in the car? You know better! You should have had her pack in a back pack.”  I get the snacks, run right back up the hill (crazy running mom again) and return to the group.  A gives me a look as I hand her a juice box while the beeping continues and hides behind me as she drinks it. My girl… she is mortified.  I’m out of breath and tired lamenting about how I know better.  It took two different snacks to get her blood sugar level above 70.

One thing this episode reinforces to me is that as she gets closer to the age of 10 I need her to be more independent with her care.  More importantly, as a mother I need to be more kind to myself.  We won’t always do ‘it’ perfectly, whatever that ‘it’ happens to be at the moment.  We will make mistakes and so will our children.   With a condition as unpredictable as T1D is there is no way any of us can always be prepared.  There will inevitably be unexpected highs and lows (both literally and figuratively) and we must learn as we go.

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